


Can't Be True

by Zeedabee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Slice of Life, asahi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:35:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26505262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeedabee/pseuds/Zeedabee
Summary: Asahi is everything Nishinoya wants, which means that he’s all that he needs, right? He wants to stop tormenting them both and just get it over with but he loves to get lost in moments of bliss with Asahi. How could he say goodbye to that?
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	Can't Be True

March, 15th

Nishinoya tensed when the bedroom door clicked into place. Then practically jumped at the clang that resounded through the room as his jar of hair gel fell from the counter to the tiled floors.

“Shit,” He swiftly picked up the jar before any of its contents could spill and when he looked up from his crouched position he saw his boyfriend standing in the doorframe. Asahi could have easily filled the space, but he chose to lean to one side of the doorframe.

“You’re ready earlier than usual, I was just coming to wake you.” Asahi folded his arms across his chest, his shoulders rising ever so slightly. “I could drive you to the airport.” 

Nishinoya smiled as he stood, shaking his head. “Nah, I travel all the time. It would be a hassle to make you drop me off at the airport every time. I’ll manage.” He continued to smile despite noticing the way Asahi’s shoulders drew up more. 

“If you say so.” Asahi returned the smile.

Nishinoya easily slipped past Asahi, leaving the bathroom. But he suddenly found it difficult to turn and say goodbye. While he contemplated what to do next he felt two arms wrapping around his waist from behind. “Have a safe trip.” The prickle of stubble is followed by the pressure of soft lips against his cheek.

A sensation of warmth radiated through him, emanating from Asahi’s chest and abating the tension that had seized Nishinoya. “I love you, Asahi.” 

March, 29th 6:00 pm

“Hey, my flight got delayed so I’ll be home late.” 

“What time? I can come and get you from the airport.” 

“No, I’m going to get back super late. I don’t want you to stay up.” 

“It’s not like I’d mind, I haven’t seen you in two weeks and we were supposed to have dinner together tonight.” 

“I know, I know but we’ve got tomorrow after you get off of work. We’ll make up for lost time then and you won’t have to be sleep-deprived for it.” 

March, 30th 1:22 am

When Nishinoya finally made it home he had every intention of going straight to the bathroom. He needed to shower off the last two weeks before he felt comfortable getting into the bed with Asahi. But as he crept through the bedroom he found himself stopping to stare. 

Nishinoya was stricken with guilt and longing at the sight of Asahi asleep on the bed. He wanted to leave just as much as he wanted to reach out and stroke his cheek. For a fleeting second, he felt compelled to wake the other with a kiss. Then an obligation to write a wordy apology before fleeing nearly took him over. Both sets of thoughts were chased by exhaustion. 

He couldn’t shake the feelings clinging to him, but he managed to drag himself away from Asahi’s bedside and to the shower. Ten minutes later he slid into bed and swallowed hard to push down the guilt as tired brown eyes opened and focused on him. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” He whispered. 

Asahi yawned and shifted closer to Nishinoya. “It’s okay, I missed you.” 

Those words made Nishinoya feel better and worse, but he decided to allow himself to indulge in his more pleasant emotional state. Maybe being happy was the best way to tamp down his shame. “I missed you too.” 

“Did you have fun?” Asahi’s question definitely amplified his remorse. What had begun as a pang morphed into a pit that sat heavily at the bottom of his stomach. 

“Yeah, I had a lot of fun.” Nishinoya would give anything to make this feeling dissipate. “Hey, Asahi?” 

By now his lover’s eyes were closed once again and when he speaks it’s in that soft voice he used whenever he’s half asleep. “Yes?” 

“You know that I love you right?” 

Asahi nodded without opening his eyes. “I know Noya. I love you too.” 

Nishinoya ghosted a few fingers over the curve of Asahi’s cheek and let them hover briefly before he retracted his hand. “Goodnight Asahi.” 

5:00 pm

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help at all Asahi?” Nishinoya couldn’t help popping around the taller male’s shoulder every couple of seconds, offering to chop or wash or just do anything at all. 

“I don’t need any help, Noya.” Asahi insisted as he added veggies to the pot. 

“But you’ve been at work _all_ day and now you’re making dinner by yourself.” Asahi was not making it easy for Nishinoya to find any sort of atonement through his actions. He wished he’d thought ahead and done this while his boyfriend was gone for work. 

“It’s curry, Noya. It’s not exactly labor-intensive. I’m practically done anyways. All that’s left is to let it simmer.” He turned around and smiled at him. “Since we’ve got free time do you want to talk about your trip?” 

Absolutely not. “Nah, tell me about what you did while I was away.” Nishinoya forced a smile and leaned in towards Asahi. “Do anything fun and adventurous while I was gone?” 

Asahi chuckled. “Does work count as fun and adventurous?” 

“Asahiii,” Nishinoya groaned. “You’re so boring, you know that?” 

Asahi reached out and took his hands. “Well, isn’t that why I have you to make my life interesting?” 

“Damn! You’re corny as hell too.” Nishinoya teased, before leaning in to kiss him. 

As promised the food was ready to eat soon after that. 

Nishinoya was quick to shovel a spoonful of curry into his mouth, a content hum following the action. “Awe man! Your cooking is awesome Asahi.” The food was still hot but the risk of burning his tongue didn’t stop Nishinoya from scarfing down another bite. 

Asahi smiled softly at the sight. “I think you’re just really hungry, Noya.” 

“Heh,” Nishinoya felt his stomach flip at the way that Asahi smiled at him. “Thanks for cooking for me.” They locked eyes briefly and it brought a genuine smile to Nishinoya’s face. All of his regrets lingered in the back of his mind but they didn’t stop him from appreciating this moment. 

After dinner, they moved to the couch with beers and put on a movie. In typical Asahi behavior, the other tucked up against the corner of the couch and drew his limbs into himself. For a man over six feet, he carried himself as if he was so small. Nishinoya had at one time found it endearing, but lately, he watched it and wondered if he had anything to do with it.

He forced the thought to the back of his head and sat down close to Asahi, leaning into him. It eased his mind, just a bit when Asahi responded to the proximity by shifting his body and fitting his arm around Nishinoya’s torso. 

The movie played and he watched, taking a small sip of his drink here and there. It was okay, though definitely more to Asahi’s tastes than it was to his. The movie simply didn’t capture his attention enough to stop his thoughts from wandering. Nishinoya imagined stepping back and looking at the scene from a distance. He couldn’t help but think of it as overwhelmingly domestic. 

They were cuddling while the aroma of curry still lingered and enjoying each other’s presence. It made him wonder if Asahi ever fantasized about what their life together _could_ be. It could easily be more moments like this, more home-cooked meals, more kisses exchanged in passing, more conversations about each other’s day, and just _more_. Asahi would probably love that. They could have a pet and a routine and they could both be happy all the time. 

Well, not all the time. Nishinoya knew himself all too well and while all of those little things sounded pleasant in one moment they could just as easily become triggers for his restlessness. Monotony was an oppressive force on him, one that would sour that fantasy with haste.

He wasn’t built for the life that Asahi would flourish in, so they didn’t have that life. 

Had he always been so selfish? 

The sensation of Asahi’s hand moving to rest against his hip snapped Nishinoya from his thoughts for a moment. Asahi’s hand was warm. His whole body was emanating heat actually, drawing Nishinoya in, enveloping him in warmth. He turned his head towards Asahi just enough to get a whiff of the cologne he’d sprayed on his shirt earlier that morning; cardamom and leather. 

Asahi tilted Nishinoya’s head up to kiss him tenderly. He kissed back the second their lips met and while Asahi would have let the kiss remain chaste for a least a few more seconds, Nishinoya didn’t. Asahi may or may not have wanted things to escalate as quickly as they were but Nishinoya didn’t have the wherewithal to hold himself back. He plunged his tongue into Asahi’s mouth, the kiss greedy and fevered. And if Asahi hadn’t wanted it this way to begin with then he was doing a shit job of showing it now. His boyfriend adapted to the pace he set, rather quickly too. God, he didn’t deserve this man. 

Later, when they’re in the bed together, Nishinoya felt more than he heard the breathless moans of his name against the shell of his ear. The sensation sent tingles through him made him so desperately hungry for more of Asahi. So he thrusted into him deeper to draw out more of those wanton moans and he assaulted every weak spot until Asahi was a mess beneath him. 

Nishinoya reveled in the sight of Asahi coming undone at his hands. Beads of sweat were collecting along his forehead, his lips had turned a nice, bright red, and “Noya” rolled off his tongue as if his pleasure depended on it. To some extent it did, hearing his name like that always fired him up, made him focus more on sending Asahi flying over the edge with every trick he had. 

As Asahi arched his back off the bed Nishinoya placed one hand on his chest, pressing him back down while the other hand gripped his hips tightly. He could feel Asahi tightening around him and at the same time, he felt Asahi’s heart beating faster beneath his hand. 

“Yuu,” Asahi let out a choked gasp followed by several breathy moans with his mouth agape in a way that Nishinoya would have made fun of when they were younger. But now he delighted in the sight knowing that Asahi was right on the edge. 

His lover came first and Nishinoya ducked his head against the crook of his neck while hurriedly thrusting to reach his own completion. He maybe took too much pleasure in the way that Asahi’s body shuddered and jolted at so much stimulation post-orgasm but it helped to push him over the edge all the same. 

They stayed that way, Nishinoya peppering Asahi’s neck with light kisses while they both came down. After a few moments he felt himself succumbing to the heat that emanated from Asahi’s body, it made him tired and cozy. He should have been offering to clean him up or at least moving so his boyfriend could do so himself but Nishinoya decided to yield to his selfish desires again. 

“I love y-” Before Asahi could finish Nishinoya captured his lips in a kiss, not to cut him off though. He wanted to catch the words, seal them between himself and Asahi so they’d stay that way for as long as possible. Lord knows what he’d do when Asahi realized that he could say that to someone else. 

May 21st 

“Noya, are you going out?” Asahi spoke in a voice too small for his frame, beyond his usual timidness. 

“Yeah! I won’t be out long and I won’t drink too much promise.” Nishinoya turned to flash a bright smile at his boyfriend. “I’ll see you when I get back.” Asahi frowned deeply and his smile wilted. “Asahi, what’s wrong?” 

“I talked to Tanaka two days ago. You didn’t tell me you two fought.” 

Nishinoya went rigid. It had been less of a fight and more Tanaka shoving and screaming at him after catching a glimpse of something on his phone that he wasn’t meant to see. “I didn’t think it mattered, just a stupid fight.” He lied and he could see Asahi’s awareness of it in the way that he looked at him, but he could also see the tears forming. He stared hard at the ground. 

Asahi cleared his throat before speaking again. “I didn’t know before but I can’t really say that I didn’t know.” He took a shaky breath. “What I’m trying to say is: I’ve had an idea of it, I guess.” 

“You knew and you didn’t say anything?” Asahi didn’t answer and Nishinoya finally looked up again to glare at him. “You fucking coward! You should have confronted me! You could have just done _something_! Instead, you just sat back and watched me with that fucking look on your face.” Nishinoya brought his hand up and gestured sharply at Asahi’s face. It was the same expression he’d been seeing for months now, only intensified. The same expression that gripped his whole being tightly, sending icy shivers through him. “Do you know how hard it is to see you every day? To know that you’re hurting when you see me leave, it makes me- it makes me feel so fucking awful Asahi!” 

“Ha,” Asahi shuddered and shook his head, the first few tears trickling down. “I’m sorry Yuu, the last thing that I would ever want is to make the person that I love feel so much pain.” 

“No, no, no,” Nishinoya shook his head. This wasn’t right, why had he started yelling like that? He didn’t intend for the words to come out so loud. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” 

“Then why did you do it?” 

“I couldn’t help it, it just happened, I swear. L-like I lost control for a second.” _Why did you do it?_ Nishinoya must have asked himself the same question a thousand times, and it always sent him into a state of turmoil. Hearing it from Asahi was a million times worse. As if the air around him turned to cotton and began to suffocate him. He opened his mouth to speak but he couldn’t find the words. 

An uncomfortably long amount of silence passed between them before Nishinoya forced himself to speak again. “What now?” 

Asahi ran a hand through his hair. “You figure it out. I’m going to stay somewhere else for a few days.” 

What did that mean? Should he assume that Asahi wanted him gone by the time he got back? And if he did stay how the hell did he fix this? “Where are you going?” 

Asahi hesitated. “I think it’s better if I don’t say. If I want to talk I’ll call but please, please don’t call me. I can’t take that right now.” 

Nishinoya started to shake his head again. Asahi was putting up walls, maybe he could make this better but there was no way to do that if he couldn’t even get in. “Isn’t talking what we should be doing right now though? Let me explain!” 

“Suga said I really shouldn’t go back on my decision.” Asahi mumbled. 

Sugawara knew! “Is that where you’re going to stay?” Asahi didn’t respond but Nishinoya knew he was right. “Have you been talking to him about all of this? Asahi, I know that our friends care but none of them _know_ our relationship like us. You shouldn’t just do and say whatever Suga says you should. Stay with me tonight, please.” 

Asahi sighed and wiped his eyes, shaking his head. “I want to stay Noya, I still love you.” Hearing that should have made him feel good like it always did but the words felt bitter this time and Nishinoya wished Asahi hadn’t said it at all. “But I can’t stay and I can’t talk right now. If I do we’ll just go back to what we’ve been doing. So again, please don’t call.” 

Nishinoya felt numb as he watched Asahi grab his overnight bag and leave the apartment. He didn’t say anything else, he didn’t look at him. He just left. 

Nishinoya stayed in that night, changing into sweats and bundling himself in all of Asahi’s favorite blankets, a miserable effort at warming himself. Then he called, left voicemails, and sent text after text after text.

Asahi didn’t answer.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot for now. Hope you enjoy it.


End file.
